I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
