So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
