i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
