You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
