Me. At least after what I've been through.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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