I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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