my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Small penises have feelings too.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
