Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
