are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
