I need to stop coming to work sober
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
