WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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