hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
