I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
