So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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