when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Randomize
