After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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