I wish I only lived at night.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize