Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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