Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
