i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
