I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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