theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do vagina's smell?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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