So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
