i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
