He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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