WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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