Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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