her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
