He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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