I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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