I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I think i got beer on your cat.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
