So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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