So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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