yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
