sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
