I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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