yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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