Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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