I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
