What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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