Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
