and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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