I only kidnapped one of them. chill
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Randomize
