Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
