just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
