i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
