if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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