im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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