Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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