this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
