I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
