I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
