yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
