that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize