you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
