I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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