HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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