Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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