i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Randomize
