the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
