fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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