Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
