how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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