these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
